Light at the end of the tunnel
“Has someone ever told you to ‘look for the light at the end of the tunnel’? Maybe that was reassuring to you, and brought you some hope, or, perhaps that didn’t quite settle well. While a nice idea, the idea of a ‘light at the end of a tunnel’ has some flaws. First of all: it suggests that there is a very clear, bright, obvious objective. In addition, a tunnel is pretty straightforward, meaning there aren’t distractions or barriers to you meeting your goal – you just need to follow the simple very clear literally no way to miss it path. Again, sounds nice – but if we’re considering this as a metaphor for life, it’s not entirely accurate…
Instead, let’s consider a different kind of light.
Picture a faint, glimmering, spark. Definitely bright, but the sort where you can’t quite make out what it is or how far away it is from you. Now picture this spark in the middle of a pitch black endless forest. When you are brought into this world, you’re dropped off in this forest, each one of us at a different place and environment. Now it’s completely dark, except for this tiny spark – so you begin going towards it.
Now as you wander, blindly mind you, you have no way to tell what is ahead, behind, around, or within you. As you go on your journey, sometimes you trip over branches, run into trees, or stub your toe on a rock. Other times you come across a large meadow with a cool breeze that feels wonderful and you become convinced you’re so close to reaching that spark. Maybe at one point you come across a huge ravine, one so large and wide that you can determine no way to get over it. Perhaps you become overwhelmed and break down, you give up and start walking backwards, or maybe you start to consider jumping into the ravine… That can be scary, really scary, and it’s hard to remember that this IS an endless forest – so how do you know if you start walking along the ravine that you won’t find a bridge a bit further down?
When people are considering therapy, they are most often coming across this ravine and struggling to figure out how to cross it.
Now unlike the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’, there’s no clear path in the forest. In fact, for some it can feel like there’s no path at all. As much as we may want to, a therapist is unable to provide this path for you. We don’t come in and give you a map to the spark, nor do we pick you up in a helicopter and bring you there. Instead, we help you build a flashlight.
Flashlights can be complicated, and they can take time to build on your own. We as therapists work by helping you work through the challenges facing you while providing support for all the feelings that come with the task. With your flashlight built, you now have the ability to see around you – just a little bit. You can start to take in your surroundings, learn from your environment, and even take a look at yourself. With this light you can also see a few steps ahead, giving you the power and agency to decide where you want to go next. Not only this – but you now have your own, unique, spark of light all your own.
As you continue through your journey, perhaps you reach the spark and then discover another, or you take a break to enjoy the spark you created for yourself. Then, sometimes, something happens and you find that the flashlight isn’t working like it used to. Know that no matter where you are in your journey you can always return to therapy to take a look at your flashlight again. Maybe you decide you want to come back regularly to check in, or you keep our number in your phone for when you really need it. However you choose to use therapy – remember that this journey is yours, not ours. You are the expert of your own life, sometimes it’s just a little hard to see… “
Rain Bondy LSW, AASW